9th February 2023

In all my small trauma, I had one friend – booze. 

Booze that made the travels memorable.

I loved it. One companion that eased my pain eased my anxiety.

One companion that allowed me to be me – the real ego Me. The unfiltered debate on the go Me. 

I danced. 

I fought on cue and felt good seeing my ego shed. 

The hangover aside, I was reborn after every drunken weekend. 

The drunken weekend turned into drunken three-day trips, then daily trips. 

On my final pursuits in 2012 and 2013, I was drinking every 3rd day. 

In 2017 when the doctor shared about my condition, I looked at my firstborn and saw a very different future. 

Seeing my second born, I knew that I was no longer the selfish 20-something but a mid-30s man responsible for three lives. 

I stopped cold turkey. 

My last drink was with my in-laws. 

Dec 27th, 2018, marked the end of a 15-year run of embarrassing slurred rubbish that led to many skirmishes, puking on the car, the bus, in front of my father, my friends, my cousins, and my wife, long emails triggering year-long fights, and bouts of depression that could have all been avoided. So I did.

The transition was not smooth. 

I craved alcohol. 

6 months I was on club soda. 

People began to ask. 

People began to complain that we wanted the old you - a hint that they loved the ‘buffoon .’

I told them I could pretend to be a buffoon. 

No. An intoxicated buffoon is better.

I lost all my social circles. 

I had no reason to hang out with addicts. They didn’t entertain me. 

I despised their addiction. It reminded my old self.

I avoided parties.

In 2023 going on a trip to the city of booze also made me realize that I didn’t want that poison. 

Even in a loud nightclub, I saw swarms of youngsters getting drunk and pretending to be having a good time. 

As the only sober person in the club, I didn’t laugh at the crowd but felt disconnected from the humanity who feels connected to each other only when their senses are off by 60%. Then the ego is gone. 

Each person becomes their carnal worst or the unnatural best.

Is there a way to let the ego go and you be you – truly connected to another person? 

To love the person unconditionally. 

Sure, we can do that as a parent. 

Perhaps there is another way to let go, truly listen, and connect with the other person. Perhaps!